We had just come from the wake of a dear friend’s wife whose life was ended abruptly by cancer. He always sounded upbeat about his missus, ever so hopeful that the next alternative therapy would nurse her back to health. At our regular coffee klatch, he never once betrayed a look of melancholy; one time, he was over the moon with the acting projects coming his way the last time we met. A graphic designer by profession with his own company (he formed it with two Dutch friends of his a few years ago), acting had always been a twin passion of his since his university days in the UK. Acting took a backseat when he went fulltime into the business of graphic design.

I was struck by the casual remark of one of my friends. We were walking to the main road to hail cab when she said how dim-witted and shallow she felt crying over a break up after seeing how our friend was holding up amidst the pain and grief. Like a knee jerk reaction, I felt the same. Nothing, of course, compares to out friend bereft of a wife who, in the tower of pain, is occupying the zenith.

On hindsight, the philosopher in me rationalized with one of my personalities, saying that an individual undergoes levels of pain and anguish. A break up of some affair is easily surmountable than the death of a loved one. Similarly, when one reaches the end of a professional journey, it’s seemingly easy to recover from the throes of goodbyes, points out the philosopher in me. My umpteenth personality answers that the battle with the grim reaper is a lopsided one: my friend’s wife didn’t have a chance whereas a break up or the end of a professional journey is only a temporary phase of loss. Over time (think of the cliché time heals all wounds), one is able to find another lover and another career – both better in all sense of the word.

It’s the business of letting go that puts everyone on the same plane of suffering, silencing all ramblings about one pain being bigger than the other pain. Letting go has never been an easy one; it’s always dovetailed with a whole gamut of emotions that seem to wrench your heart and soul out. How do you steel yourself for the icy grip of death upon your eternal partner? How do you get the vagueness of a lover’s look that gazed upon you once with love and longing? How do you casually say good bye to colleagues and business associates who have grown to be friends through the years? There’s no way to dodge that wince of pain, anguish and, yes, that deep sense of lost.

I once read that letting go makes living altogether easier. Like a traveler on the road, the unnecessary bits are left behind and the basic essentials retained for survival. Arming myself with wonderful memories, I push on with the journey to the next chapter of my life.

Hasta pronto!


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Lou on June 13, 2009 at 6:18 am

    Yes, letting go is one of the hardest lessons to learn…and it’s a constant process too. The rewards are hard fought: a certain relief, and of course greater personal strength (and hopefully wisdom).


  2. Posted by i_am_aoisoba on June 18, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    and that’s why we need chocolate …

    i try to believe, that sometimes you need to take ut the old memories so taht you will have space for new ones


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