UNFINISHED BUSINESS

There’s something about the rain that makes the mind wander over unfinished business, picking through the corpses of the past scattered pell-mell across the mind’s landscape. And that’s one reason why I am not particularly fond of the rain. Parrying the onslaught of the painful past and the deluge of unanswered questions that swirl like the eye of a hurricane, I engage in tedious mental wrestling over and over again with my unfinished business.

The weekend brought intermittent rain. Amidst marking papers, my mind would slip into the not-so-distant past wondering if I should have asked this question and not that question, made the closure myself or asked for release, and then, just like that, they disappeared for a minute to be replaced with what do I have for lunch – couscous with veggies or fish and couscous. Then the enervating thoughts were back again – my unresolved business with him.

One thing I learned through the years of soliloquies, dialogues with my parents and sisters, and continuous reading is unfinished business can be finished within seconds. I knew that all the while, but owning up to something that I’ve been denying for so long wasn’t easy. Sadly, I admitted to myself that a part of me wasn’t ready to be done with my unfinished business – not yet.  A part of me is holding on to a sliver of hope that the universe would make our paths meet someday somehow.

At the moment, I am taking my time and letting myself slip in and out of the past while taking baby steps in my present and to my future. My unfinished business will end in good time, I know. For now, I’ve decided to stop my mental wrestling and just let the interdigitated memories of the past and the present flow and ebb.

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