A QUESTION OF FAITH

Call it whatever you want but, whatever name you call it, everything still boils down to trusting in that one entity, which, to my mind, is analogous to the angels’ unseen best friend, Charlie of Charlie’s Angels. I’m not like most of my friends who express a very deep faith in their unseen best friend. Three of them, in fact, are zealously devoted to their Best Friend, trusting Him with their lives. The rest, on the other hand, have neither a devoted nor indifferent relationship with theirs.

Me?  It became a lukewarm relationship especially when my world was thrown into turmoil about almost two years ago. Admittedly, I’ve talked about that for far too long yet I won’t deny that it’s an issue that I still continuously question Him/Her about. Why let my path cross with someone who shouldn’t be on that path in the first place? I was ready to embrace singlehood – something done by a friend of mine who, in a serendipitous turn of events, has since married and settled down in France – when the universe decided it wasn’t the path I was supposed to be on, and then, like a really bad joke, painfully untwisted our paths.

Anyway, we have an ongoing discussion on trust because it’s very hard to have a conversation when you’re the only one doing the talking. Let’s set the record straight here before the fundamentalists jump the gun: I’ve never questioned the existence of a deity but having faith in one doesn’t come easily. History, firstly, taught me that His/Her name had been used to justify the iniquities in the world. Secondly, the recent goings-on within my space have not been altogether encouraging. Take a family friend that passed on five-six years ago.

She was my dad’s colleague/friend who had a tic – always shrugged her left shoulder – and an asthmatic daughter. She was nice and forthcoming. When the Philippine economy started looking bleak (not that it never looked bleak at any given time), she and her husband decided to migrate to Canada. I never saw her again and only learnt of her demise recently from my father who heard it from a common friend vacationing from Canada.

The story is her husband was at the end of his wits trying to make a go of their new life in a foreign country. Sadly, she exacerbated the situation by becoming overly dependent on him. He snapped and, well, sought comfort in the arms of a much younger woman. Like a soap opera, she ended up on her own renting a room back in the Philippines. She pulled through with the generosity of her friends until she succumbed to cancer. Surprisingly, through all the darkness, she never uttered a word against her husband. As for her daughter, to borrow my father’s words, “she was wired differently”. This woman may have skeletons in her closet –I wouldn’t know – but the heartrending close to her life leaves much to be said about faith in my books.

Is she to be blamed for what happened? Is he to be blamed? From what I remember she had unshakable faith in her best friend. So what happened then? Was her faith all in vain? One would label me a skeptic, if not an atheist despite setting the record straight about my stand given what had happened to me and my dad’s friend. A buddy said I should go find a religion – she thinks the universe and its wicked humor is a sign that I should have a religion. Another one said that it’s not about finding a religion but getting back my faith in life and the universe.  I’m still weighing their arguments. It’s easier said than done to shake off the jadedness, which, dressed like a cherubic child cap-a-pie, has strapped itself comfortably on my back.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by MB on April 23, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    My take, like your friend, is that you should get back your faith in life and the universe, which has always come easy to you.
    Think of the gifts you should be thankful for! And your family friend, The Force rest her soul, is now in a place beyond pain.

    Reply

  2. Hey very nice blog!!….I’m an instant fan, I have bookmarked you and I’ll be checking back on a regular….See ya

    Reply

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