I WANT TO JUMP OFF

“Inhale, exhale

Think…

Simplify and breathe… retreat to your happy place

Reading my tarot predictions on Facebook gives me two things: something to smile about, or laugh at, and something to ponder on. Today was that day when it got me musing over the card I received. It was the card of Temperance, which urged me to have calmness and balance in my life, and cultivate patience for events surrounding my life as they play out. Is this a pun or what? As I sit before my laptop, I had just come from another day of rehearsal for the school play my friends and I are trying to get off the ground. Is the universe trying to tell me that the play, an adaptation of the Philippine awit Florante at Laura by Balagtas, is a microcosm of my life that, at this time, is hectic and irksome? Picture this: you’ve it all planned out, worked yourself to the bone to get the script out, everyone has a role to play and all it takes is for the whole cast to get together and work together. Simple isn’t it? It’s working out – NOT! The cast trickles in dribs and drabs; the lines are not yet memorized and rehearsal days have been lessened due to other school commitments. Dovetail that with your work load, the finicky weather and people’s nescience and you’re bound to run ululating into the night out of sheer frustration.

I seriously want to jump off and take an indefinite leave from a farrago of hectic schedule that doesn’t leave you much time to catch your breath, contradictions and bad weather. It will be pleasant to wake up and have time to boil water for your cappuccino or green tea. It will be wonderful to switch off and enjoy a day of quiet serenity. It will be fantastic to decide what to do and not be bogged down by the duty of having something to do and knowing that there will be consequences to face later on if you don’t comply.

When I get that urge to jump off, when I feel that the world is closing in on me, I immediately retreat to my happy place. This is a place where everything is calm and filled with possibilities. This is where I quietly mull over my options and the bad choices I’ve made while stirring my bowl of oats sprinkled with powdered milk and laced with honey and waiting for my mug of Milo to cool down a bit. It’s a place where I don’t have to answer or give an opinion about anything or anyone. It’s where I don’t have to parry the bad energy exuded by people or, conversely, dodge the energy vampires. This is where I follow the adventures of, say, the young Englishman Rudolf Rassendyll travelling to Ruritania to witness the coronation of the new King or the new life of Lijia Zhang as she joined the dozens of new workers at the Liming headquarters for an orientation. This is the place where I can breathe deeply and not run after my breath. And this is the place where I want to be in for some time until I’m ready again to grapple with the wishy-washy universe.

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